TOW Chandler's Despair
by higherbeingfriendsfan
Summary: Chandler finds Monica has cheated on him, will this mean the end of the group? Slight changes to chapter 8
1. Chapter 1

AUTHOR: higherbeingfriendsfan - Debz  
  
EMAIL: debz11888@hotmail.com  
  
CATEGORY: MG/CB angst  
  
RATING: PG-13 just in case  
  
SPOILERS: Series 6 and maybe a couple from series 5  
  
DISCLAIMER: F.R.I.E.N.D.S don't belong to me, but I really wish they did, especially Matt LeBlanc. They belong to NBC, and Warner Brothers, and all of the writers and people who make the show.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is set in at the time of series 6, and goes up until TO Where Paul's the Man. I just want to say Thanks to Sara, you've really got me started with writing fan fics hun!  
  
TOW Chandler's despair!  
  
Chandler walked into his apartment and felt the bulge in his jacket pocket. He smiled at the thought tonight he was going to ask the love of his life to marry him. He couldn't believe that Monica was his and hopefully she would agree to be his for the rest of his life. Nobody knew he was going to do this he wanted to surprise Monica and he knew that with his friends' history if any of them found out she would to.  
  
He looked in the living room and saw that nobody was in. 'Good' he thought to himself, he could make this place look really romantic! He walked into his and Monica's bedroom. He dropped the briefcase which was in his hand.  
  
'OH MY GOD' he yelled.  
  
'Chandler' Monica cried from the bed.  
  
Chandler couldn't believe his eyes there in front of him was Monica naked lying on top of Richard, also naked.  
  
'What the hell are you doing?' Chandler yelled, with tears in his eyes.  
  
'Chandler, oh my god, I'm so sorry sweetie, but...'  
  
'Don't you dare call me that Monica.'  
  
Chandler backed out of the room, with Monica and Richard following him, just as Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe walked in the front door.  
  
'Hey guys, what you up...' Rachel started but stopped short as she saw Richard standing with Monica's dressing gown on.  
  
'Oh My God, Monica what are you doing?' Ross asked, he looked at Chandler, who now had tears streaming down his cheeks.  
  
'Look, Chandler, I'm sorry, I bumped into Richard and one thing led to another and, I'm so sorry, please speak to me', Monica also had tears on her face.  
  
'I'm sorry Monica, but I've got to go', and with that Chandler left the apartment.  
  
'Monica what's going on, I thought you said you were single?' Richard asked.  
  
'WHAT?' all the gang were surprised  
  
'You told Richard you were single, how could you?' Joey shouted  
  
'Look I'm going to get ready and go home', Richard said.  
  
Ten minutes later Monica, Rachel, Ross, Joey and Phoebe were alone in the apartment.  
  
'I can't believe you did that Monica' Phoebe said  
  
'I know me neither, do you think Chandler will ever forgive me?' Monica asked  
  
'Look, honey, you did the worst thing to him, there's a chance he will never forgive you, I'm sorry' Rachel told Monica soothingly.  
  
With that Monica cried her eyes out. The other 4 just watched her, none of them felt like they could sympathise with her, she had hurt one of their best friends so much.  
  
A week later none of the gang had heard from Chandler, Monica carried on like normal, because she knew it was all her fault that he had gone. One day whilst Joey and Phoebe were alone in Monica's apartment, they heard the front door open, expecting it to be Monica they just called out  
  
'Hey, Monica'  
  
'Hey guys'  
  
Both turned around  
  
'Chandler!' Phoebe called and ran over to Chandler and gave him a hug 'Where the hell have you been? We've all been so worried'  
  
'Sorry, I was at my mom's house'  
  
'What are you doing back then?' Joey asked  
  
'I was wondering if I could stay at your house Pheebes?'  
  
'Of course, but why didn't you straight away after...well you know?' Phoebe asked  
  
'I needed time' and with that Chandler went into the bedroom and got some clothes. 'Lets go then Pheebes' Chandler said weakly.  
  
So people what did you think? 


	2. Chapter 2

AUTHOR: higherbeingfriendsfan - Debz  
  
EMAIL: debz11888@hotmail.com  
  
CATEGORY: MG/CB angst  
  
RATING: PG-13 just in case  
  
SPOILERS: Series 6 and maybe a couple from series 5  
  
DISCLAIMER: F.R.I.E.N.D.S don't belong to me, but I really wish they did, especially Matt LeBlanc. They belong to NBC, and Warner Brothers, and all of the writers and people who make the show.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is set in at the time of series 6, and goes up until TO Where Paul's the Man. I just want to say Thanks to Sara, you've really got me started with writing fan fics hun!  
  
I just want to say thanks to everyone who reviewed they were all so sweet :) they really made my day!!!  
  
Just to recap  
  
Chandler was going to propose to Monica  
  
Monica slept with Richard and Chandler walked in on them  
  
The rest of the friends came in and found out  
  
Chandler left for a week  
  
When he came back to apartment 20 Joey and Phoebe were there and Chandler asked Phoebe if he could stay at her apartment  
  
Ok now on with Chapter Two  
  
Chandler, Phoebe and Joey walked to Phoebe's apartment in silence. Joey and Phoebe didn't try to get Chandler to talk to them because they knew once they got inside he would tell them how he was really feeling. When they got to Phoebe's apartment Chandler went into the bathroom and washed his face, he knew that he needed to speak to someone and Joey would be the best person, but he also knew that Phoebe, even though she sometimes made fun of him, had a heart of pure gold and she would be just as kind and helpful over the whole thing. Once he had finished getting washed up he went into the living room, where Joey was sitting on the couch and Phoebe was at the kitchen counter making some coffee.  
  
'OK I guess you want to know what I've been doing this past week' Chandler said  
  
'Only if you want to tell us, man' Joey told Chandler.  
  
'Yeah, but first Pheebes why don't you finish making the coffee'  
  
'Sure', Phoebe said.  
  
Once Phoebe had finished she sat on the couch on one side of Chandler whilst Joey sat on the other. They sat in silence for a few moments before Chandler started.  
  
'OK I'll start from the beginning, that night when Monica. when she...you know, I was going to propose to her' Chandler started  
  
'Wow', Joey and Phoebe said together causing Chandler to laugh slightly  
  
'Yeah, me can you believe that? Anyway I left to my mom's like I said before, whilst I was there I was miserable and I didn't have any clothes so I came back, but I can't go back to my mom's for a while because she's touring Europe, otherwise I probably wouldn't have come back, and when my mom gets back I'm going to stay there for as long as she'll have me'  
  
'What?! Where does she live', Joey asked  
  
'Don't worry Joe, she only lives on Long Island, you can still come and see me, I'm not moving to the other side of the world' Chandler smiled for the first time since THAT night  
  
'Sorry' Joey said sheepishly 'I'm being selfish'  
  
'Don't worry Joe' Chandler said again Then he asked them the question they all knew was coming. 'How's Monica?'  
  
'MMM...I don't actually know I haven't spoken to her for a while' Joey said  
  
'What where you doing at her apartment then?' Chandler asked  
  
'She just went grocery shopping she has food' All three laughed at this.  
  
'OK Pheebes, how is she?'  
  
'She's acting like nothing's happened, but really she's a mess' Phoebe said  
  
'Good' Chandler said, but Joey and Phoebe knew he was convincing himself as well. They kept talking for a couple of hours, but after Chandler had asked about Monica they had tried to avoid her name.  
  
The next day everyone, excluding Chandler, who was still asleep at Phoebe's was at Monica's. She was making breakfast, whilst they other four where in the living room, talking.  
  
'Yesterday I was here and Phoebe dared me to eat 20 cookies in 2 minutes, and I'm not one who wont accept an east challenge, and she said if I did she would pay me $100, so I did, but she wouldn't pay me' Joey was whining to Rachel and Ross.  
  
'Because you only ate 19' Phoebe was defending her point  
  
'No I didn't' Joey argued  
  
'Yes you did, because there was only 19 in the packet, so I knew you couldn't eat 20, without having to go to the shop or something, which meant that you didn't eat 20 in 2 minutes'  
  
'Yeah but Chandler said that wasn't fair and said you should pay me $50, for making me ill with eating so many' Joey said then realised he had mentioned Chandler  
  
'WHAT?' Rachel, Ross and Monica shouted together.  
  
'Chandler when did you speak to him?' Rachel asked.  
  
'Yesterday'  
  
'Where?' Ross asked Joey  
  
'Emm...he was at his mother's, I phoned there, because I just thought that he might go there' Joey said, proud of his quick thinking.  
  
'How was he?' Monica asked  
  
'Why would you care?' Joey said  
  
'Of course I care' Monica argued  
  
'You've a funny way of showing it' and with that Joey was out he door, followed by everyone else, as they all realised that Joey was lying  
  
They followed him to Phoebe's where he went in where they all saw Chandler making coffee.  
  
'Chandler' Rachel and Ross yelled happily, Rachel ran up to him and hugged him  
  
'Rach, air, needed, to, breath' Chandler struggled out  
  
'Sorry' she said and hugged him slightly less tightly and then stepped aside to let Ross hug his best friend.  
  
'Where were you, man?' Ross asked, and with that Chandler explained the story again. Ten minutes later they were still talking then they all looked up when they heard the door open and Monica stood there.  
  
'Chandler', she breathed  
  
'Monica', he said. The others looked on silently asking themselves the same question, What was going to happen between Monica and Chandler, and what would happen to their group?  
  
So what do you all think? 


	3. Chapter 3

AUTHOR: higherbeingfriendsfan - Debz  
  
EMAIL: debz11888@hotmail.com  
  
CATEGORY: MG/CB angst  
  
RATING: PG-13 just in case  
  
SPOILERS: Series 6 and maybe a couple from series 5  
  
DISCLAIMER: F.R.I.E.N.D.S don't belong to me, but I really wish they did, especially Matt LeBlanc. They belong to NBC, and Warner Brothers, and all of the writers and people who make the show.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is set in at the time of series 6, and goes up until TO Where Paul's the Man. Thanks to everyone who reviewed this they were all so sweet :)  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"Chandler, where have you been? " Monica asked, she couldn't believe that after a week of worrying he was standing in her friend's kitchen as if nothing happened.  
  
"Why would it matter to you?" Chandler asked. The hurt evident in both his voice and his eyes. Although he tried to show Monica that what she did didn't matter to Chandler, everyone could see just how cut-up about it he was.  
  
"Chandler of course it matters to me, I love you, I've been so worried about you", she reached her arm out to touch his arm, but he pulled it back quickly, sighing Monica let her arm drop down to her side. "Look Chandler I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you"  
  
"No Monica what you mean is you never meant for me to catch you and Richard doing it in my bed. Isn't that right?"  
  
"Chandler, please" Monica once again tried to touch his arm.  
  
"Monica get the hell away from me, I know that's the real reason you told Richard you were single, so you would have an easy way to break things off with me, and lucky for you I'm doing that, I'm breaking things off with you."  
  
"No Chandler that was a mistake, I just ran into him and one thing led to another"  
  
"That is not an excuse Monica, because it wouldn't have resulted in you sleeping with him if you had told him we were together, but you didn't because you still want to be with Richard"  
  
"No I don't, I told you in Vegas that I had no feelings for Richard anymore" Monica started to cry, she couldn't believe that Chandler was giving up so easily.  
  
"Yeah but from the looks of things you don't have any feelings for me either, do you?" Chandler looked up at Monica, and he realised that he she was still so beautiful, but he also realised that as much as he still loved her, he could never forgive the woman who last week he was going to propose to. Monica also looked up, and she realised that Chandler was wrong with what he had said, she loved Chandler still, and loved him more than she had ever loved anyone. She shook her head and saw through Chandler's eyes what he was thinking, and knew that to get him back she was going to have to fight for him.  
  
So what do you all think? Debzxxx 


	4. Chapter 4

AUTHOR: higherbeingfriendsfan - Debz  
  
EMAIL: debz11888@hotmail.com  
  
CATEGORY: MG/CB angst  
  
RATING: PG-13 just in case  
  
SPOILERS: Series 6 and maybe a couple from series 5  
  
DISCLAIMER: F.R.I.E.N.D.S don't belong to me, but I really wish they did, especially Matt LeBlanc. They belong to NBC, and Warner Brothers, and all of the writers and people who make the show.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is set in at the time of series 6, and goes up until TO Where Paul's the Man. I'm adding two chapters together today because the last chapter wasn't very long! Hope you like it  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Joey looked at Monica and Chandler and thought to himself, 'This is wrong, how could a couple that were so in love a week ago, be so distant and separable?' He glanced at Rachel, Ross and Phoebe, all had the same look, and he knew they would be thinking the same thing.  
  
"Why don't we give you some time to talk things through", Ross suggested, he knew how important Chandler was to Monica and wanted to help them get back together. He out of the four was the one who wanted things might turn out, as Monica wanted, with Chandler back with her, the most. During the past week Joey, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel had had many conversations about the outcome of this situation. Rachel had said that although Chandler loved Monica so much he probably wouldn't go back to her, unless he had a lot of space, and was totally convinced that he wouldn't be betrayed again. Ross had realised she was speaking through past experience, and for the first time realised just how much pain the 'we were on a break' incident had given Rachel. Joey had hoped on some levels that Chandler would come back, but would not go back to Monica. This was for two different reasons. The first was that when it happened, Chandler looked destroyed and he didn't want his best friend to be given so much pain because of the actions of somebody else, also on some levels he preferred it when Chandler and Monica were just friends, and Chandler and himself were inseparable. The last reason was one, which he had never told anybody, because he knew everyone would think he was being incredibly selfish, and he knew he was, but he also thought that on some levels Chandler had been happier when he was a bachelor living with his best friend. Finally Phoebe hoped that they would work it out. Although she and Chandler had never been as close as the other friends in the group, she had missed him so much. She had missed the pointless chats they had had about superheroes, Donald Duck and things like that. She had missed his quick quips about her lifestyle and his sarcastic jokes. She had missed Chandler's sweet thoughts and generous offers. Most of all she had missed their friendship. She wasn't as close to Chandler as she was to Rachel, Monica, Joey and Ross, but like with everyone else they had a special relationship, and it was a friendship that she never wanted broken.  
  
"No Ross, I don't want to talk to her yet, I'm going out, I'll be back in a hour, and please don't let her be there when I get back", Chandler said harshly. Monica's eyes filled with tears again. "Chandler, don't please talk about it, I mean are we going to throw something so special away after one stupid mistake?" Monica asked. "Yeah, but it was a mistake that hurt me, like you wouldn't believe, Monica, and I don't think I can go back to you, after that, not yet anyways its too painful". With that Chandler left Phoebe's apartment. The apartment was deadly quiet. Rachel decided to end the silence. "I'm going to find Chandler", she exclaimed. "Are you sure its not like your as close to him as Joey and I are?" Ross replied. "Yeah, but I have an idea what he's going through" Rachel countered. Ross nodded. "OK I'll go find him, and talk to him, Monica, maybe I can convince him to talk to you, but I don't think you have a chance to get back together with him, for a while anyways." Rachel walked out of the door, and ran down the apartment, hoping she could somehow keep the group together.  
  
Ten minutes later, she found Chandler sitting on a bench in Central Park. He had his head in his hands, and his whole body was shaking, Rachel knew straight away he was crying, and she couldn't blame him. Although she hadn't seen Ross together with Chloe, she had known the hurt caused by someone who was the love of your life cheating on you. She walked up to Chandler, and put her arm around his shoulders. She didn't attempt to stop him crying, instead she just held him. Rubbing his back, she tried to comfort him as best she could. A few minutes later Chandler sat up.  
  
He looked at Rachel "Sorry", was all he said.  
  
"What for?"  
  
"For crying" Chandler replied  
  
"Don't be, its good to cry, it lets all your emotions out," Chandler just smiled, and then got a confused look on his face.  
  
"Why did you come, why didn't Joey or Ross come?" Chandler asked Rachel, not that he minded her there it was just that he wasn't that close to Rachel.  
  
"I thought it might be good to talk to someone who went through the same kind of thing," Rachel told Chandler.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it anymore," Chandler said.  
  
"OK don't talk about what happened please just tell me how you feel," Rachel said.  
  
"You wont give up will you?" Rachel shook her head and Chandler gave a small laugh.  
  
"Fine, I'll tell you how I feel, but not here, we'll go to Central Perk, they wont come in, they'll all be waiting at Phoebe's until we return." With that Chandler and Rachel walked silently to the coffeehouse. Chandler was hoping that Rachel would help him make his decision about whether to go back to Monica, and Rachel was hoping that this would help Chandler, maybe he wouldn't leave for Long Island, but she knew that his relationship with Monica, whether he wanted one or not, would never be the same again.  
  
So people what do ya think? Debzxxx 


	5. Chapter 5

AUTHOR: higherbeingfriendsfan - Debz  
  
EMAIL: debz11888@hotmail.com  
  
CATEGORY: MG/CB angst  
  
RATING: PG-13 just in case  
  
SPOILERS: Series 6 and maybe a couple from series 5  
  
DISCLAIMER: F.R.I.E.N.D.S don't belong to me, but I really wish they did, especially Matt LeBlanc. They belong to NBC, and Warner Brothers, and all of the writers and people who make the show.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is set in at the time of series 6, and goes up until TO Where Paul's the Man.  
  
Rachel and Chandler walked into Central Perk, Chandler walked over to their couch and sat down on it, whilst Rachel ordered their coffees. She walked over to the couch and put their coffee on the table. All of this was done in silence, as Chandler didn't have the energy to talk at that moment. After a couple of minutes of silence, Chandler said to Rachel,  
  
"What am I going to do?" He looked her in the eyes, and at that moment her heart broke, he looked so defeated and he had lost the sparkle that was in his eyes. She felt tears prick her eyes she blinked them away. Then she started to speak to her friend  
  
"I can't tell you what to do, but tell me what you feel, and I can help, you never know sorting through your emotions might help you come up with the solution," she told him softly. Inside she knew what he would decide to do, but she couldn't tell him, because as much as it hurt him, it had to be his decision.  
  
"I fell heartbroken and betrayed. I mean, she was the person I loved, trusted and cared about most in the world, and she cheated on me. I don't know if I can ever trust anyone again, and it's all her fault," Chandler told her, her looked down as though blaming her wasn't allowed.  
  
"Sweetie, its OK to be angry with her, but you also need to know if you still love her, or if the fact that she betrayed you made you lose all the love for her."  
  
"I don't know, at the moment I feel so much hate towards her, but I'm pretty sure I still love her, but does that mean I have to forgive her? Or am I allowed to end things with her?" He looked up at Rachel, again. She knew that he wanted an answer from her, and answer to help him decide what to do, but again she knew that he had to make the choice for herself.  
  
"Chandler I cant answer that, but I'll tell you what I felt with Ross, OK?" He nodded.  
  
"When I found out, I was angry and I didn't want to believe it was true, and I think that most people who have had this happen to them feel those two emotions first. I still loved Ross, but I think in a relationship you have to have trust, and that had gone, as soon as I has accepted that he had slept with somebody else. When we got back together a few months later, I don't think the trust had come back, which is why again it didn't work out. What I'm trying to say, Chandler, is that you don't have to get back together with her, just because you love her, you have to get back with her, as soon as the trust is back. And I mean ALL of the trust. So do you trust her?" She asked him, he shook his head. "I think you have your answer, don't you?" Again he nodded. "Chandler don't I know you love her, but if you want to spend your life with her, then I would wait until she has your full trust back, and also don't make the same mistake I did by going back in the relationship before you feel ready. It may take years to get back together with her, but that may be for the best."  
  
Chandler looked at Rachel, and smiled. He knew that what she was saying to him was things she had never said to anyone, because for the first time somebody understood what she was saying, he also knew that what she wasn't saying out loud was that, finally she had all of her trust to Ross back, and that maybe they could give it another go. Chandler leaned over and gave Rachel a hug. Chandler sighed, and was ready to do the thing he had never in a million years thought he would do. He was going to break up with the love of his life. He stood up and turned to Rachel, who was looking up at him.  
  
"Talk to him," Chandler said and left the coffee house, leaving Rachel to think about her feelings.  
  
Chandler walked back to Phoebe's apartment. He got to her door and paused. He put his hand in his pocket, and pulled out the ring. Looking at it he sighed, debating over whether he was about to make the right decision, or not. Shoving the ring back into his coat pocket, he made up his mind. Knocking slightly on Phoebe's door, he walked in. Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Ross looked up. He turned to Ross, Phoebe and Joey.  
  
"Could you give us a minute?" He asked, they all nodded. Gathering their coats they walked to the door, just as Ross was about to leave, Chandler stopped him.  
  
"Go to Central Perk," Chandler told him, Ross gave him a confused look, "Just go." Chandler told him. Ross left to go to Central Perk confused at why Chandler wanted him to go.  
  
Chandler turned to Monica and motioned for her to sit down.  
  
"We need to talk," he said to her. Monica just nodded, wondering if what Chandler was about to say was good or bad. 


	6. Chapter 6

AUTHOR: higherbeingfriendsfan - Debz  
  
EMAIL: debz11888@hotmail.com  
  
CATEGORY: MG/CB angst  
  
RATING: PG-13 just in case  
  
SPOILERS: Series 6 and maybe a couple from series 5  
  
DISCLAIMER: F.R.I.E.N.D.S don't belong to me, but I really wish they did, especially Matt LeBlanc (and Matthew Perry ;)). They belong to NBC, and Warner Brothers, and all of the writers and people who make the show.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is set in at the time of series 6, and goes up until TO Where Paul's the Man.  
  
Sorry I haven't updated this in a while I've been busy with my school work since my exams are coming up :(  
  
So here comes chapter 6  
  
Chandler turned to Monica and motioned for her to sit down.  
  
"We need to talk," he said to her. Monica just nodded, wondering if what Chandler was about to say was good or bad.  
  
"Monica, I need you to ket me speak, OK, don't interrupt until I finish." She nodded slowly, "OK" she whispered barely loud enough for him to hear.  
  
"OK..." he paused and swallowed trying to get the lump out of his throat. "Monica, I love you, and I think on some level I always have, and I always will love you, you hold a special part of my heart that no matter what happens nobody will ever have."  
  
"I love..." Monica started but was interrupted by Chandler.  
  
"Monica you said you wouldn't interrupt," she nodded an apology, "anyway as I was saying I love you, but you hurt me in so many ways. That night I was coming home and when I got there I was going to make the whole apartment romantic because I was planning on proposing to you."  
  
Monica's eyes went wide, she didn't know that he was planning that and she felt tears form in her eyes as she realised that she had lost what she had wanted more than anything in the world, a marriage with the love of her life.  
  
Chandler continued, "Seeing you made everything much worse, Monica, I mean you didn't even have the decency to not do it in our bedroom, that was a big kick in the teeth you know." He paused before continuing, "Monica, whilst I was talking to Rachel I realised that I don't trust you anymore, and I think that a relationship should have a foundation built up on trust, and you've broken that foundation." Monica was about to say something, but Chandler just continued, wiping the tears which were streaming down his face.  
  
"We can't be together anymore," he whispered, causing Monica to break down into tears. He wanted nothing more than to make the pain she was feeling go away, but he couldn't it would make leaving her far too hard, and her knew he had to do it, no matter how hard it was.  
  
Monica knew what he was going to do as soon as he had walked into the door, she knew what the look on his face meant, she could read him like a book, which hurt her more, because she could see the hurt which was screaming at her from his eyes. She also knew that she could argue but that it would prolong the inevitable, which was him leaving her.  
  
"Will we ever be able to be together?" she asked him, frightened at what his response may be.  
  
"I'm not sure Monica, may be, just not now, not for a while at least."  
  
"I'll wait, for as long as you need", she whispered, but he heard her and he gave her a weak smile and nodded. They looked at each other, tears still streaming down both of their faces.  
  
"Where are you going to go? Are you going to stay with Phoebe? Or are you going to move out of New York?"  
  
He shrugged, "I'm not sure, I might see if Pheebs will let me stay here for a while, or I could move back in with Joey, and Rach could move in with you. We'll work something out."  
  
She looked surprised, "you're not moving to your mom's?"  
  
He shook his head, "No, that isn't fair Monica, its not far to me I shouldn't have to leave my friends, and its not far to them, they'll feel like they have to take sides, like we all had to do during Ross and Rachel's break up. I mean may be we can work something out you know just as friends, seeing as a lot of the trust we had was from our years of friendship." She smiled in spite of situation happy that she would at least get to see Chandler on a regular basis, even if it was not in the way she wished it could have been.  
  
"Do you want to go the apartment and get some of your stuff? I mean you'll need a change pf clothes, won't you?"  
  
He nodded, "Can I go myself, please?" She nodded, "I'll go now then, you can wait here for everyone let them know what's going on, may be you'll decide living arrangements." With that he walked out of the door, closing it softly behind him, leaving Monica alone, where she collapsed into tears, thinking, 'Why did I let this happy?'  
  
I hope you like this, I decided to make the actual break-up quite...I dunno...not a shouting match, I'm not that good at writing fights. I took some inspiration for Ross and Rachel's split, you know how at the end it was pretty calm, but sad?  
  
Let me know what you think – criticism always welcome Debzxxx 


	7. Chapter 7

AUTHOR: higherbeingfriendsfan - Debz  
  
EMAIL: debz11888hotmail.com  
  
CATEGORY: MG/CB angst  
  
RATING: PG-13 just in case  
  
SPOILERS: Could be anything from Series 1-6  
  
DISCLAIMER: F.R.I.E.N.D.S don't belong to me, but I really wish they did, especially Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry ;). They belong to NBC, and Warner Brothers, and all of the writers and people who make the show.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is set in at the time of series 6, and goes up until TO Where Paul's the Man. I know some people said that they wanted this fic to be a Rachel and Chandler fic, but I prefer Ross and Rachel, so I probably won't have this story as R/C Sorry! :)  
  
Chandler looked back at Phoebe's door through his tears, he didn't know how he could go on, after what he had just done, but he knew that it was the right thing to do. He knew that if he had given Monica another chance he would never have trusted her, and probably would have grown bitter and they would have broken up anyway. At least this way they may be able to get over it, without totally hating each other. He walked to the apartment he had shared with Monica not surprised to find Joey and Phoebe sitting watching TV. They turned at the sound of the door opening. At once they knew that Chandler had been crying even though he had stopped, and so guessed that the couple had broken up. Chandler walked over to the couch and fell into it, exhausted.  
  
"Do you want us to go?" Phoebe asked.  
  
"No that's OK, you can help me pack! I hate it" he tried to joke about the situation. They nodded slowly, "you can get my stuff from the bedroom, I'll get the stuff in here. Joe, will you get some boxes." Joey nodded and left, returning a little while later.  
  
"Chandler, where are you going to stay?" Phoebe asked, "do you want to stay with me?"  
  
Chandler nodded, "if you don't mind, I'll look for an apartment I suppose."  
  
"No you're not I'll get Rachel to move back here, you're going to live with me again, you promised."  
  
Chandler looked confused, "when?" looking at Joey, then turning to Phoebe who shrugged.  
  
"When you told me you were moving in with Monica, you said that as soon as Monica and you broke up, you were going to move back in with me." Joey told him. Chandler looked at him, "I know you were only saying that to make me feel better, but you still promised." Joey added.  
  
"We'll have to see how Rachel feels about that, I mean its not fair to her to have to move because of...what happened."  
  
"She won't mind, I mean she's only going to be moving across the hall, isn't she?" Joey started to whine, as much as the situation killed him, because of how upset Chandler was, he was pleased they would be living together again, since he missed how close they used to be.  
  
Just then Rachel and Ross came through the door, they looked shocked when they saw Chandler there. Rachel gave him a hug, "are you OK?" she asked quietly, he nodded.

"What are you doing here?" Ross asked him.  
  
"Packing" Chandler answered simply.  
  
"I'll go across the hall and pack my things, Ross will you help me?" Rachel said.  
  
"Rach, that's OK you don't have to, I can stay with Pheebs," Chandler said to Rachel.  
  
"No, man, you promised," Joey started to whine again, Chandler laughed a little.  
  
"Joe...look maybe its better if I don't stay with you,"  
  
"No, No its not, please" Joey asked again, Chandler just looked around the apartment they were all standing in.  
  
"OK, fine," Chandler gave in Joey grinned a jumped a little, "As long as its alright with Rachel," Rachel just nodded and was about to pull Ross out the door, when Joey asked, "What can I do?"  
  
"Go into Monica's bedroom and get my clothes," Chandler answered, "Pheebs you help him, they're in the left hand side of the closet."  
  
"Don't you want to...?" Phoebe started before Chandler cut her off.  
  
"No, I don't want to go in there," and with that he walked into the guestroom, got some boxes out of the closet and then walked into the bathroom, after leaving some of the boxes in the living room. The other four realised that the bedroom probably held too many memories of that night so they didn't pressure him into packing up things in the room.  
  
Ross and Rachel went across the hall to pack, whilst Chandler, Joey and Phoebe cleared Chandler's belongings out of Apartment 20.  
  
After a few hours of packing everybody was done, Rachel's things were in the guestroom in boxes, with other bits and pieces in the bathroom and living room, and Chandler's things were in the apartment across the hall. Monica hadn't been seen all day, and everybody, especially Chandler, was thankful for that, because they didn't want to have to deal with any scenes.  
  
At 11o'clock everybody except Monica and Chandler was in the living room of Apartment 20, looking around and talking about how much had changed.  
  
"It feels weird doesn't it?" Ross asked, "I mean who thought a week ago that this would be happening? That Chandler and Rachel would be back in the apartment's they moved out of a year ago." Phoebe shook her head.  
  
"Well it wouldn't be happening if Monica was even half as nice as we thought she was," Joey said bitterly. Ross looked at him harshly, but said nothing as Joey continued, "I mean how could she do that? Or mores the question, why? Why the hell would she ruin her relationship with Chandler?"  
  
"We don't know Joe, but you have to calm down OK, Chandler will need the four of us to help him to move on and to make him feel happy again, and you won't very well be able to do that if you're this angry with Monica," Rachel told Joey.  
  
"What! You're not angry with what she did?" Joey asked Rachel, genuinely shocked.  
  
"No I didn't mean it like that, of course I'm angry with what she did. What I meant was that you cant be visibly upset if you want to help Chandler," Rachel answered trying to calm down Joey, but inside screaming to herself that Joey was right in how angry he was at Monica. Just as Ross was about to defend Monica, not that he wasn't as angry but he felt it was his job as her brother, the door opened, everyone expected it to be Chandler because they realised that he had left one box, so they were all shocked when Monica stood in the doorway.  
  
"What are you guys all doing here?" she asked them.  
  
"Helping Chandler move," Joey said a little spitefully.  
  
"Look Joey why are you being so horrible, I've said I'm sorry."  
  
"And you think that you saying 'I'm sorry' makes up for what you did?" Joey asked angrily.  
  
"No, but it should to you since I did nothing to you personally."  
  
Just as Joey was going to reply to this the door opened again and Chandler walked in, "I was just getting the last box out of..." he paused as he saw Monica in the room, "actually could you get it Joey I'm leaving." He turned to go but Monica grabbed his arm and Chandler flinched, he froze, "Monica get off me."  
  
"Chandler..." she started but Chandler interrupted her.  
  
"Don't touch me Monica," he got his arm out of her grasp. He turned around and looked directly into her eyes as he said, "Joey can you get the last box I'm going home," and with that he turned at walked away slamming the door behind him.  
  
Ross, Monica, Joey, Rachel and Phoebe flinched with the sound of the door being slammed, the others turned to Monica as she reacted to what Chandler had said. One word was swimming inside her mind "_Home_." Chandler had already found a new home, tears started to stream down her face as she realised just how much damage she had caused. Instead of the apartment they had shared for a year being his home Joey's apartment was. She read more into the word and realised what Chandler had been saying, she wasn't his home anymore, and where once his heart lay and lived it had gone. She had made his heart leave and now all she had was an empty space.  
  
Right this has taken me a while, and personally I don't think its very good. I hope you enjoy at least some of it, please send me a review, and if you don't think this chapter was very good please let me know what I need to do to improve and to make the next chapter (if you want one) better :). Thanks Debzxxx


	8. Chapter 8

AUTHOR: higherbeingfriendsfan - Debz  
  
EMAIL: debz11888hotmail.com  
  
CATEGORY: MG/CB angst  
  
RATING: PG-13 just in case  
  
SPOILERS: Series 6 mainly but maybe a few from others, nothing after series 6 though  
  
DISCLAIMER: F.R.I.E.N.D.S don't belong to me, but I really wish they did, especially Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry. They belong to NBC, and Warner Brothers, and all of the writers and people who make the show.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is set in at the time of series 6, and goes up until TO Where Paul's the Man. Thanks to Exintaris who pointed out that the apartment that Phoebe lived in during the time of my story was Monica and Chandler's, but I said that Phoebe still had her own, and Rachel lived with Joey, which during the time of this story she did. So I'll say that everything that happened during TOWT Holiday Armadillo regarding Phoebe's apartment actually happened earlier, so Phoebe moved back into her apartment and Rachel stayed with Joey. Thanks again Exintaris :)  
  
Also thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter :) they were so sweet.

A week later  
  
Everyone, excluding Chandler, was eating dinner at Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler hadn't stepped foot into the apartment since he had moved out and he had been staying later at work so that he didn't catch Monica leaving or coming home from her work. Joey was still angry with Monica and barely said two words to her a day, and no matter how much Rachel, Phoebe and Ross had asked him he still couldn't accept her apology. Ross had asked why Joey was so angry with Monica when he hadn't been angry at himself when he had slept with Chloe. Joey kept saying that Chandler and Monica hadn't had a fight, they were living together and she had lied about not having a boyfriend, and all of this could have been prevented if she had told the truth.  
  
There was a knock at the door and just as Rachel was about to get up and see who was at it, it opened. Chandler took a few steps in and said, "Joey, your mom's on the phone," he handed the phone to his friend, and turned to leave. Before he was out of the door Rachel asked him, "Chandler have you eaten?" He shook his head, so she said, "Sit."  
  
He looked at her and said, "No thanks I'm not hungry," again he turned to leave but Rachel said, "Chandler, please". She gave him her best puppy-dog look so he rolled his eyes and said, "all right, fine." He sat done between Ross and Joey and opposite Phoebe, so he wouldn't have to look at Monica directly. Rachel smiled at Joey, with a look that said that hopefully Chandler would be able to come into this apartment, and that the six of them might be able to hang out together again, even if there was still some tension between Chandler and Monica. Joey though didn't have a look that mirrored Rachel's instead he had a look of worry, that if Chandler and Monica hung out Chandler could get hurt again, by her dating someone else or something else, although he was grateful that all six of them could all hang out.  
  
Later that night  
  
Joey and Chandler were in the living room of Monica and Rachel's apartment, whilst Monica was in her bedroom changing, and the others were helping Rachel clear up.  
  
"Please man, I promised her I would bring along a friend," Joey pleaded with his best friend.  
  
"No Joey, the last time you said that my date was Janice, I'm not risking that happening again." By now they had everyone's attention, even Monica's who had stepped out of her bedroom.  
  
"Don't worry I've already asked her what your date's name is, and its not Janice," Joey said smiling pleased that maybe he would come.  
  
"Ask Ross," Chandler said simply as he looked at Joey.  
  
"I did he can't come he has a thing at work, right?" Joey said asking for conformation from Ross, who nodded.  
  
"Damn," Chandler muttered. He knew that Joey was trying to get him out of the apartment, which he had pretty much just spent the last week in, but he wished that it wasn't a blind date that was Joey's idea, or that they were having the conversation in his ex-girlfriend's apartment.  
  
"Please Chandler, I swear that its not Janice, I mean what have you got to lose?"  
  
"What if it's one of my other ex-girlfriends?" Chandler asked hoping that this may mean he would be able to get out of it, Rachel looked at Monica who was staring at Joey and Chandler, intently listening to their conversation.  
  
"Don't try to get out like that I already checked and her names Rebecca, and I'm pretty sure you've never dated anyone with that name, unless you dated her in college or you kept it a secret." Joey smiled smugly at Chandler who rolled his eyes.  
  
"What's going on?" Phoebe asked Chandler, when she sat down on the seat.  
  
"Joey is trying to set me up a blind date so his date's friend will come, or something like that, but I don't want to go because last time we did that my date was Janice," Chandler answered her, but looking at Joey with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Yes, but I paid," Joey added weekly, "and you must have had a good time because you slept with her that night," he added. Chandler put his head in his hands, as Monica walked back into her bedroom. They all looked as the door closed. Chandler shook his head.  
  
"Please Chandler, I mean give me a reason why you don't want to go," Joey asked.  
  
"OK how about I just broke up with Monica a week ago? Is that a good reason?" Chandler asked looking at Joey again, who looked down embarrassed.  
  
"Yeah I suppose, but Chandler please come, and this time I promise you I won't leave you alone, so there's no chance you'll sleep with her," Joey said giving Chandler puppy-dog eyes.  
  
"OK fine," Chandler relented, "but you're buying dinner."  
  
"OK," Joey smiled, he knew that Chandler wasn't ready to date anyone but he needed to get out of the apartment, and this was the prefect way.  
  
In Monica's Bedroom  
  
She collapsed on her bed and started to cry. She couldn't believe that Chandler was going on a date, when they had just broken up a week ago officially. She looked around the room; everything in it brought back memories of her and Chandler. She wished everything could go back to the way it was, but she knew that she had blown any chances of that, because of what she had done. Rachel had asked her why she had done it the night after Chandler had moved out, but Monica had been unable to say. She knew that her excuse 'one thing led to another' was wrong. She had been fully to blame and as much as she had tried to convince herself she knew that it was her fault completely.  
  
She thought about how Chandler was planning to propose that night and she realised that that was all she had wanted, but after what had happened during a week before THAT night she had felt that Chandler would never be willing to propose. During the visit to the museum, when Rachel and Phoebe had convinced her to put their name on the waiting list, she had believed that Chandler was ready to get married and a two year waiting list was plenty of time, and they would have been able to have a long engagement. After hearing the message from Hildi though and Chandler's reaction to it a wave of doubt had rushed over her. They had been together for two years and Chandler still wasn't ready or willing to be with her forever. She had told him that she understood and knew that he wasn't but inside she was heartbroken. Monica had believed that Chandler was willing to commit to the relationship but hearing him say even after two years together that he wasn't ready made her question the relationship. When she had bumped into Richard she realised that some feelings for him that she thought had gone came back, as if in a response to her relationship doubts. Although they were only small, Monica had thought that they meant she still liked Richard, but thinking back on it, she realised that those feelings were not what she had first thought they were. She thought back to that night as she wiped away some fresh tears.  
  
_Two weeks ago  
  
Monica stood looking in a shop window. She was trying to find the perfect present for Chandler's two-year anniversary. She opened the door of the shop and without looking where she was going entered it and she ended up walking straight into Richard.  
  
"Richard, oh, erm... hi," she said hesitantly. She knew that if Chandler found out he wouldn't be happy and would get jealous, as she knew that he felt a lot of self doubt when it came to him.  
  
"Monica, hey," he replied and took her arm, as he moved them to one side. "How are you?" he asked.  
  
Monica looked at Richard and felt butterflies inside her. She hadn't had those since she had seen Richard at the video store three years ago. "I'm good, thanks, you?"  
  
He nodded and smiled, "Yeah, I'm great thanks. You look great Monica," she blushed at this and smiled shyly, she suddenly felt like a teenager with a high-school crush. Her mind kept telling her, "Chandler, you're in love with Chandler, remember that," but the other part of her mind argued that it was all right to have some feelings for other people, as long as that was all it was and she didn't do act on those feelings. .  
  
"So, you busy at the moment?" he asked her, his own interest in her very obvious. She was about to reply that she was trying to find an anniversary present for Chandler, but before she could she heard herself saying, "No, I'm just window shopping." She looked up at Richard who seemed pleased with this answer "Do you fancy getting some lunch then, because I haven't eaten for a while, have you?"  
  
Again she spoke before she had time to think about the damage this could do to her relationship, she answered, "No I haven't eaten, yet, and lunch would be nice." They walked to a nearby restaurant and ate their lunch. They talked about what they had been up to since they saw each other last year, as they were nearing the end of dinner Richard asked Monica the question that she had been anticipating.  
  
"So are you involved with anyone at the moment?"  
  
Her heart and mind were screaming to herself to say yes, that she was in a very committed relationship with Chandler, and that she loved him, but again a part of her ignored this and she answered, "No." Richard seemed relieved with this as he replied to her, "Yeah, me neither," Monica smiled as she felt butterflies again. She knew that she shouldn't have lied, but it was nice to have some attention.  
  
Richard asked her if she wanted to grab some coffee and Monica took him to her apartment. Again she knew this was risky, but she convinced herself that Chandler was still at work and wouldn't be home for a while. She made some coffee and they talked again. Just as Monica was leaning to put he cup on the coffee table, Richard kissed her. Inside Monica's heart was telling her to stop, but her brain was telling her that it felt nice, so she didn't break the kiss. As the kisses got more passionate the voices inside which told her that she should stop died down, and instead were replaced with the feeling of Richard's lips on hers. When they moved into the bedroom all of reservations stopped and she decided to act on the small feelings that she had first gotten when she had bumped into Richard.  
  
When she heard the bedroom door open she panicked, she saw the look on Chandler's face and wanted to die. She realised then that the feelings that she had when she saw Richard were what she had first thought. They were her getting a small meaningless crush because of the doubts in her relationship, but when she saw Chandler those small butterflies turned into huge greater things, and her heart skipped a beat. She knew that if even after two years Chandler could still make her heart beat like that then he was the one she had feelings for, not Richard.  
_  
Present.  
  
As her thoughts travelled once again to that night she realised how much she had sacrificed over something so small. Monica started to cry again, she knew that Chandler had been right that 'one thing led to another' was not an excuse she just hoped that perhaps he realised how much she loved him and that if he knew the truth then everything would be OK, but she knew deep down that this was not going to happen.

I've rewritten this chapter because thanks to a review I realised the bit at the end where Monica tlaks about her feelings didn't make a lot of sense so I've sort of taken out a couple of different ways Monica viewed them. I hope this makes more sense Exintaris ;). Please review everyone Debzxxx


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